Video: The first step to reach your goals
In preparation of the upcoming Stephen Covey Community we’d like to post a video of Stephen giving a brief overview the first step of reaching your goals.
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Tags: 7 habits of highly effective people, addiction, be proactive, control, get out of debt, leadership, lose weight, self help, Video
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December 18th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
I love it. This was very inspirational . I’m not sure that “the community” is but I’m interested.
December 19th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
A timely reminder to me that something I am to do tomorrow, despite it troubling me, is something about which I can be response-able. I can choose to do my duty regardless of what may happen. Thank you.
December 20th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
I enjoyed the video immensely. I recently have been speaking on self -worth and you have given it much clarity.
being self aware is a great lesson. my journal is full of notes on this topic from the video and will begin immediately using it in my life.
danmccormick@cox.net
www.lessonsfromgreatlives.com
December 24th, 2007 at 1:32 am
I learned a lot from this video. Thank you!
December 24th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Notice how powerful this message is. It goes beyond the words, it touches our hearts and souls. I will show this video to everybody I know. I hope it helps them as much as is helping me.
December 25th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Thanks for this video! I’m really looking forward to what “the community” may have to offer in the way of ongoing insight and support for those of us applying The 7 Habits to our lives!
One troubling question that’s come up for me, in trying to apply these habits: How does Be “Proactive” (Habit 1) square with “Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood” (Habit 5)?
For example: I’ve had an important person in my life who tends to complain, have their feelings hurt and be offended, etc., who then feels hurt and offended even MORE when “I don’t understand them,” which is their interpretation of me, as they see me being proactive (instead of getting hurt, offended, emotionally wrapped up) in the situation myself.
Any thoughts on this? Thanks again!
December 31st, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Choice is a powerful important first step. If we don’t acknowledge and really believe that, then we are hopeless in creating the life we want. I’m excited to be putting these principles into effect. I look forward to more tips and discussions!
January 27th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I would like to post a response to T’s question, at least to the best of my knowledge.
The question is: How does Be “Proactive” (Habit 1) square with “Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood”
As a Montessori teacher, my primary goal is to respect the learner. This means that it is my duty to watch and sometimes create “teachable moments”. The learner MUST desire the information BEFORE I am to teach it.
Another essential component is to learn the language of responsive listening. There are many books such as Nonviolent Communication (by Rosenburg) that teach how to listen and acknowledge a person’s feelings or intentions WITHOUT indulging or condoning their behavior. Affirmative words such as “I can tell that you are really frustrated about the situation”, “It sounds like that makes you angry to be treated like that” can diffuse strong emotions. You don’t have to say “your husband is jerk” or give advice. Even if they ask your opinion, you can turn it back to them and show interest in THEIR interpretations and facilitate helping them to find out THEIR highest priorities and desired outcomes. What EVERYONE WANTS IS TO BE LOVED, APPRECIATED and ACCEPTED FOR WHO THEY ARE (warts and all). Our feelings do not make us bad people (even anger or jealousy). Just “being there” and acknowledging feelings is the kindest thing that you can do for someone else.
NAMASTE (as you might know) is a greeting that means “the divinity that dwells in me recognizes and acknowledges the divinity that dwells in you. We must seek to see the latent goodness in others. (Which can be very difficult in some people!)
In my experience, if you treat others in this accepting and non-judgmental way, opportunities WILL arise for your turn to “be understood”. It is about patience and knowing that the future will hold a golden teachable moment and at that time (and not a moment sooner) they will have an open mind and heart that will help them to better understand YOUR beliefs and feelings.
So, Be PROACTIVE by seeking FIRST to help the other person to feel that you TRULY UNDERSTAND them. Being understood WILL come after.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:57 am
In reply to T:s problem above, I think that “be proactive” and “seek first to understand…” differ in where the focus lies. I interpret proactivity as something that is centered in the self whereas seeking to understand is about the persons around you. Proactivity in the self is not always suitable for solving other people’s problems. They simply won’t accept the solutions. However, if you really listen to the other person you might be able to foster proactivity in him/her. This is not exactly easy of course. You have to step out of the situation and think about what it is he/she really is saying, ask questions and find out what the real problem is. The fact that he/she is complaining is probably only a symtpom of some other deeper worry. However, remember to proceed with caution and always show that you care.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:32 am
I myself have another problem. My girl left me. Heard that one before?
The thing is, Covey suggests that love is primarly a verb, that is, something you do. Love the feeling is something that arises out of the activity of loving. I understand the activity of loving as showing that you care, making sacrifices, being there, seeking to understand, setting up positive surprices and so on. So when I do this, it should result in love, right?
It did work for me. For one and a half year it worked very well. Right until the end I felt that we were very close and had a high level of trust in eachother. Then we were two weeks apart on different places. Then she calls and says she doesn’t miss me anymore. All the time I thought I was building a stronger and stronger feeling of love inside her but obviously I failed. However, she told me that she felt tremendously loved.
The problem then is: if I could make her feel loved, why didn’t it result in the feeling of love?
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
What a great inspirational message! It occured to me that this would be a wonderful video to share with my children (both teens, and one soon going off to post-secondary!)
February 11th, 2008 at 6:29 am
Hey Lars. As someone who has recently moved on from a previous girlfriend, here is a point of view.
Working with principles concerns working with reality, from the inside-out. The tempting thought that a relationship should last beyond its natural life-cyle, is an outside-in craving.
The outside-in approach attaches to the external, in this case a relationship, as a measure of success, resulting in the perception that you failed. It may be therapeutic to challenge this assumption concerning success and failure. It may be causing you harm.
The one constant of the external world is change.
The goal towards a feeling of love with this person, may be leading you up the wrong ladder. Reality responds as it responds. Different combinations of people will develop different chemistry, so the situation you describe is necessarily a judgement of you.
Trust the inside-out approach anyway, and security and self esteem will grow inside. Of course, there is a good chance this will draw you together with someone into an even better relationship. Even if it does, with the inside-out approach this is not success. You will have succeeeded already and will continue to succeed, whatever happens.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Dear moderator
Please could you insert “not” before ‘necessarily a judgement of you’ as intended.
This will correct the meaning, so that the recipient will read a positive message, rather than one that sounds a little critical. It is meant to be a positive message.
Thank you.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Thank you Nabs for your words. I think I understand what you mean when you say that my measures of success are doing me harm.
I learned by this experience that taking responsibility is easier than accepting circumstances. It would have been easy for me to say that I did something wrong and thus can improve. This might have been the case. However, it seems also as there where some uncontrolable factors involved.
I’ve been looking into the book again, and rediscovered that there’s a phenomenon called circle of influence. I guess chemistry, as you mention, may have been one of those things that were outside my circle of influence. Well, as long as I continue to work inside the circle, circumstances should be favorable sometime. As Michel Jordan says in a Nike commercial: “Why do I succeed? Because I fail so many times”.
February 15th, 2008 at 7:56 am
In response to both T. & Lars: you have apparently been struggling with truly difficult issues that most of us have had to address at one time or another; they can indeed be painful and confusing. (I have certainly found similar situations so in my life.)
I think “work4good” and Nab have already provided especially insightful and useful advice.
Some additional thoughts that you might find helpful when considering the intersection of habits #1 and #5: It is indeed an excellent use of both proactivity and “seeking first to understand”, to reach out to deeply understand, empathize, and help someone who is feeling hurt, or to be seeking to actively and unselfishly loving another individual. It can be very disappointing when our efforts do not seem to produce positive outcomes in other’s lives.
I have found that such positive efforts often CAN help others move to a positive and satisfying place. However, this certainly doesn’t always happen.
Others will ALWAYS have the choice to make their own decisions, depending, at least in part, upon their own preparation for positive growth. In other words, even though we can often ASSIST others in finding “good”, we will never be able to MAKE others feel things (no matter how good they are, or how much the individual seems to NEED them)
It can be a real challenge to remember that we do not bear the responsiblity for the negative FEELINGS or behaviors of others (especially when we have made our own best efforts).
And it is important to remember not to feel great guilt and disatisfaction for these things. This would be to allow extrernal forces (”weather”) to determine our own happiness, or sense of self-worth.
We can derive great satisfaction from knowing that we have acted with kindness and integrity (assuming we have
) regardless of the apparent “outcome’, in any situation.
When I am able to do this, I find a great sense of freedom, compassion, and strength.
Finally, (perhaps especially to Lars) if you feel like you have tried these principles and are not sure they are “working”. Please have patience. They are irrefutable principles, and ultimately good things DO come from doing “good” things.
It seems that we sometimes have to endure these little “tests of faith” before we finally get to see the positive results of our difficult, though correct choices.
Best of luck!
February 15th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Hey Lars,
I started writing my earlier reply before I saw your last response, (2/14) I hope I wasn’t belaboring the point.
It sounds like your thoughts about Circle of Influence are right on.
Cheers
February 18th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Thank you for figuring out the encouraging words which I would like to say to myself and my
loved ones. They are what we need to grow up into effective and useful people to our communities.
February 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
lars, interesting enough I was having this same conversation with my 20 yr old daughter about relationships and why so many fail. Maturity and the reality of self-worth comes at different stages for everyone. My youngest still acts like a young high-schooler with the drama and getting involved in everyone else’s drama. Her friends and cousins tend to respond in different maturity levels as they should as everyone is different. One might have landed in his or her comfort role in a relatinship and the other party has not even achieved self-awareness due to maturity, lifes understanding, and opposite of that, coming to a full understanding, which might create an entirely different feeling towards the other person. Reality is this might not be personal. Just part of life!
February 29th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Very interesting and informative about goals.
In fact I wrote about goals in my blog: http://profmsr.blogspot.com in 2007 itself.
I am die hard fan of Dr.Stephen R.Covey. I recommended his books to many of my students as I am a Professor. My students liked very much. And they are recommending the same to their friends
May 15th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Okay, why have ALL of the Stephen Covey videos been removed from the internet? This appears to even be his own web-site and bears his name. So what’s the deal on the removal of his youtube videos even from his own web-site?
And if there is a copyright violation issue, then where do we go and purchase those videos?
May 16th, 2008 at 7:37 am
We’re working on the situation with the Youtube videos right now. There was a misunderstanding.